There’s a kind of pressure that doesn’t come from anyone else.
It comes from within.
From early formed expectations, we never questioned.
From moments where being the steady one became part of who we are.
From a sense that if it’s going to be good, it has to be perfect.
That was me.
Still is, in some ways.
I started playing music publicly in the 5th grade, mostly in church.
And I wanted it to be right. I practiced for hours every time I was scheduled to play.
No one held me to that standard. I had my own standard.
I’d record my music and critique every moment.
I would revisit the wrong notes and even re-think my musical choices.
Should I have gone to the flat 6 diminished? Did I miss that transition chord? Did I overplay that bridge?
I’d fixate on nuance long after everyone else had moved on.
That inner drive, that obsession with getting it right, looks to others like discipline.
And sometimes it was. But mostly it was self-doubt in disguise. And pressure, tons of pressure.
In leadership, pressure becomes the culture.
Even if it’s silent.
Even if it’s internal.
Your team feels what you carry.
And over time, they start to adjust to it.
They tighten up.
They second-guess.
They look for safety instead of opportunity.
As a leader, if you don’t trust yourself, then no one believes that you trust them either. And no one does their best work like that.
And that’s what I’ve had to learn.
That excellence isn’t the real goal.
Trust is.
Because when your team knows you trust them:
It makes them bold.
It makes them honest.
It makes them creative.
I still believe in high standards.
But long ago, I stopped believing they need to feel heavy.
The best leadership environments I’ve ever been part of,
and the ones I hope to create, do not run on pressure.
They run on trust.
So I ask myself less, “Was it perfect?”
And more, “Did they feel trusted?”
Because pressure might polish a product.
But only trust brings out the best in your team.
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If this met you in a quiet place today, would you share it with one friend who might need it too?
I look back at my career and always had always held myself at a standard that sometimes make me miserable and everyone around me ,but over time you understand everyone don’t have that same inner desire to perform to the same standards, but thats ok even when i wanted them to succeed more than they wanted it for themselves. But you just pressed forward and surround yourself with people that are actually smarter than you are in most areas. Duplicate and delegate was what i finally learned to do and trust the process.
My pastor used to say that your kids will rise to your expectations. Hold those expectations high